April 18, 2005 at 5:15 am 2 comments

i wonder if anyone would notice if i just gave up. stopped writing my papers, stopped studying, stopped leaving my room, stopped getting out of bed, stopped caring. definitely my family would protest when my grades dropped – but their reason for doing so would be the fall in grades and not the emotional crap i was going through…my friends would worry, but only because they’d stop seeing me on campus.

i seriously wonder!

what would it be like to wake up one day and not get out of bed. not care what the world thinks, not give a shit about the fact that there is work to be done or people to be met.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not going to do that – i have too much work i’m responsible for to be able to do that.

but i wonder!

would i live a better life that way? if i had the resources to not have to worry about my survival, would i choose that path? sitting in front of a t.v all day may seem boring but with the 100+ channels they offer now i’m sure it can’t be that bad. i might even get a chance to catch up on the bold and the beautiful, not that it has changed much from the last time i saw it, a good couple of years back.

anyway, i’m drifting. i’m looking out of the window and i know that there’s a lot that i need to get done. but this really small part of me wants to give up. stop! stop right now. call home, tell them i give up. but i wont. why? i seriously wonder why…


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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Xeb  |  April 18, 2005 at 9:20 am

    You won’t give up because you’ve come too far. It makes no sense not to finish it now. Besides on some deep down level you crave the tension and the stress. We all do. Its how we survive.

    Your friends will notice. They might not say anything but they’ll notice. If you’re lucky they’ll come look you up once in a while. But it won’t help. Because when you’re determined to be down nothing anyone says or does is ever enough.

    Trust me I know 😛

    Feel better! 🙂 Smile.

  • 2. Kurupt Soul  |  May 1, 2005 at 10:48 pm

    No one is farigh enough to care abt others. They barely have enough time to think and care abt themselves. Other ppl notice the change , only the change that affects them.
    And as for why you won’t give up ….. no one wants to give up cuz giving something up, no matter how immaterial or inconsequential it might be, hurts our pride. The label of being stupid or something like that no one likes or wants that. Deep down its this pride that keeps us from giving up things that we don’t want.


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